自分の幸せのために、東京へまた住まなければならないと思います。
(I think I've got to go back and live in Japan again, for the benefit of my own happiness)
London is my home. Its where my friends and family are. (Well, kind of...) Its where I know. Its where I can relax and just sit back and enjoy (or not) whats going on around me. Its where I can build on my career and where I can do what I love - Artworking. (Im not an artworker at the moment though, which is why I find my job so dull) London is where I can experiment and try new things, and where I can have the free time to properly learn Japanese. In London I live with my parents so I have more free cash, and I have my own kitchen and bathroom with amenities. (I had to share a non-equiped kitchen with hairy people in Japan, hairy people who left hair everywhere. Shower, toilet, sink, kitchen floor...)
However. London is also where I feel like an outcast. I dont feel as though I am the norm... I feel a bit ..odd. Everyday living in London is like torture. I used to laugh at the 'London way' of no manners and poor services, but somehow Japan changed me. I came back from Japan expecting manners and good service, and even though Im paying more here than in Japan, Im not getting anything in return. I compaire everything to Japan and its killing me slowly. I HATE Japan for that. If only I could laugh it off like I used to.
Japan. I want to go back and live there, but this time on a longer term basis. I think its the only way I can become 'normal' again. Its a shame I have to fly thousands of miles away to become normal. If, being a gaijin in Japan can be called normal. Everyday in Japan is like an adventure. You try a new food or you go somewhere new or learn a new vocab or meet someone new or just .. experience something quirky. Its exciting but I know that cant last forever. I hated being an English teacher in Japan, so why I'm even thinking about getting training here to go and do it again is beyond me. I hated it with passion. It nearly killed my time in Japan. But, I feel (maybe too optimistically and unrealistically?) that it was only because of where I worked - part-time in an unproffessional juku run by a new-york mad middle-aged man with daily diahrrea. If it had been fulltime, I might have been able to bond with students. If it had of had more teachers, I might have picked up tips. If I had of had training, I might have known what I was doing! When I go to Japan again, it will be as an English teacher. Only next time I'll be qualified. Thats for sure. Im not going to Japan without obtaining a TESOL certificate.
BUT. Thats all OK to say, but the risk is high. What if I cut my ties and train to be a teacher for a month (i'll take the same course a friend did), go to Japan, get a job and... HATE IT?
Thats the risk.
If I hate it again.
If I return back to England again after a year or so.
Who will want to employ me in England after that? My CV will look bad. It will look as though Im more concerned with being an English teacher than an Artworker. I will become an unemployable, unreliable young person with no direction in life and no passion for design. After all, I would have left it not once, but twice.
If I do go to Japan, I have to make it work.
I might not have a career to bounce back to.
(For those who read my last post like this - JLPT2 is unobtainable for me and of not much use. I have only a 5% chance of being able to get a Design job in Japan. And I'd need the company to sponsor me as I cant get my own visa as I have no degree. Also, to work in a Japanese company as a Designer, I'd need JLPT1. To work in a foriegn company, I wouldnt need any Japanese, but 5% is too low. Too unrealistic. To get a translating job, I'd need JLPT1. Ideally, Id need to be Japanese. Or, to have been living in Japan for some time. English teaching is all I can do. I might as well focus on that. And vocabulary building. As long as I can take orders and ask queries in Japanese, I think I can be employable.)
10 件のコメント:
Hi Karen :)
Interesting post, can you say in more detail why you did not like teaching english in japan? what were your experiences then? what made it so bad?
ideally i want to avoid english teaching in japan, but i know it could be a possibility, so i'd like to be prepared.
you seem to have made up your mind now, you comparing london to japan all the time must be a bit different to me, because i was only in japan for 2.5 weeks, so i didnt get fully absorbed into japanese life. as you know im going to be studying in japan for 1 year, then ill be back in england for the final year of study, after reading what you said, that might be a painful final year after living in japan! my aim will be to get back to japan as soon as possible once ive finished the final year.
i started reading your blog a bit late, during your final month or so in japan, so i missed most of your experiences in japan, ive looked through the archives of this site though. did you find yourself going through the "stages" of living in a foreign country... 1) loving everything 2) hating everything and wanting to go home 3) accepting and having a normal life??
:)
Nick
Hiya Nick :)
Sometimes I think I must be boring the person whoever reads my blog half to death with my rambling!!
Anyway, the reason why I didnt like English teaching was:
I had no training and didnt know what the hell I was doing. My boss never helped me, "Karen, you are from England right? You can speak English, so just teach it!! its easy for you! Im Japanese and I can do it!" ...Sure, I can speak English, but I didnt have the faintest clue about how the English language worked in order to teach it. Therefore, the students felt this, and started to leave. The boss shouted at me, but with no textbook and absolutely no idea what to do, I hated the pressure I was under. I feel if I had been more prepared in the first place, I might have liked it. But, next time, I dont want to work in such a small juku, I want to have collegues. (where I worked there was just me and the boss and about 60 students)
If you are thinking about English teaching being a possibility, then Id suggest getting some training behind you, the shortest course is a weekend, the longest a couple of years. (Im going for the month one!)^^
I think the only reason why Im finding it hard now, is because I feel my life only started to begin in Japan when it was time to come home. (typical!) Id say my life started in August time, and by December I had to leave my life when i was enjoying it the most. (maybe this is my downfall - I'll go to Japan and it wont be as good as it was back then, and come back to England a bitter woman!!) If I had left Japan in March, say, when I wasnt enjoying it so much and didnt really have any friends, it wouldnt have hurt so much. Still a culture shock coming back to London though!!
I dont think my time in Japan was normal. As soon as I got there I was homesick, but most people say they only got homesick after 3 months. I was homesick because I chose to live with the wrong people for too long a time. If you dont like your home, you are gonna struggle, and I did. So it was more like 1-hate it. 2- love it. 3-accepting it.
K - when you thinking of going back to Japan then? I might go work in China or S.Korea or Japan after my contract ends in Hong Kong... Be great if we where there together!!
M_x
Hehe, please keep on rambling Karen, its interesting to read! This is my favourite blog. :D
where you gonna study the teaching english course? maybe i can do it as an extra at uni or something like that. It would definately be worth it i think. Although like i said before, i will try to avoid teaching english if i can! :)
who were the people you lived with? Japanese? What was wrong with them? Sorry if its a bad memory.
Nick
Where I stayed at first was a homestay, living with Japanese ‘friends’ ? a girl I had met previously.
The girl was studying abroad in America, & the mother said I could use her room, at least until April when she came back. I accepted the offer, they seemed like nice people. But, when I got there the mother was a nightmare, as was the daughter. The daughter was there for the first month I was there (xmas holidays), and she treated me like dirt. I couldn’t believe how different she was since the last time we met. Naively, I was hoping to make better friends with her, but she made it clear she didn’t want anything to do with me. When we did arrange to go out together, she either overslept so late that we couldn’t go anyway, or said shed forgotten and made other plans.
Her mother was always angry at me for not speaking Japanese. But, when I first got to Japan my confidence was low, and what with the disappointment that life wasn’t as rosey as Id expected, and that I was having difficulty adjusting to their style of life and japan in general, I couldn’t speak Japanese, especially not with them, as I didn’t get on with them. Every time I did try to make the effort, the mother or daughter would shout at me, saying I wasn’t pronouncing things properly or I wasn’t using the correct particles/words. The mother would also critise me on my English ? saying I didn’t pronounce things correctly, didn’t I learn how to speak at school? This just made me less confident and I ended up very irritable, eventually arguing with them.
When I left in April, the mother kept accusing me of stealing, suggesting she could look in my suitcase ‘just in case’. Im not a thief and was annoyed at the fact she didn’t trust me.
After I moved, I did eventually put things behind me and had some nice meetings with her. The daughter also apologised.
But, the day after I arrived back in London, the mother accused me of stealing her daughters bracelet, a special bracelet of hers, and when I said I didn’t have it, she threatened to have the police around to search my house! This was the final straw and I haven’t heard from her since.
I just made the wrong decision to stay with them, that ruined the first 4 months of my time in Japan. That’s why I wish I had left sooner. I don’t know why I didn’t. Maybe it was a good thing I stayed - see the worst and best sides of japan...?!
M_x : I wont be going back for a while ? ive got to get the cash!! When does your contract end in HK?
M_x
it ends when I end it. Its not really a contract, im employed here until I or they decide to go... a normal job i guess...... cash? who needs cash?! how serious are you when you say you mean to 'stay a while' like, get your own place or still slum it in a gaijin house?
I guess the job search in London isnt going too good.... :-( How about your sister?
....ignore this,,,...I'll email you....... !!
hi karen
wow, im so surprised that they were so unkind to you karen. This shows how dedicated you are to japan. If i had been in that kind of situation i probably would have taken the first flight home heheh. im glad you are enthuisiastic to to go back, even after that bad experience :)
i cant understand their behavior! you must have just got really unlucky.
take care
Nick
dedication?
..
haha, I guess you could call it that... I think it was more the feeling of failure if I just ran back home, and the regret Id feel once home for not trying harder! I wouldnt be able to stand all the people around me saying "I told you so... England is so much better!" in a sarcastic tone...
iya da!! NO nO NO!! :)
Hey, nice to hear from you again Taka! Theres no need to apologise, they were the only 3 people out of loads others that were really friendly towards me. Every society has its bad eggs. If not, it would be no good as we wouldnt know bad!^^
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