Theres not a day that dont pass without me thinking 'What if...". "What if I'd stayed in Japan?" Even though it was vitually impossible for me to stay, I cant help but wonder how things might have been.
Yesterday I had the biggest "I MISS TOKYO" feeling since I returned. I dont know what caused it. Maybe just the fact Im hating my new job (which, I quit today coincidently), I hate the rudeness of others around me and I hate the feeling that everyone is trying to be something else. Why cant people just be themselves? Why do they have to act like "Look at me, my life is so brilliant, Im so happy!" When its obvious that its fake? People like that get others, like my sister who has low self-confidence, down. Why do people have to pick on others to make themselves feel more important? Treating others like shit just so they can get off on it.
Im English, born and bred. But I hate the attitude of people living in England today.
So, me, missing Japan, goes into a shop at lunch called "JAPANESE FOOD TO TAKE AWAY" near Old Street. I pick up Karaage. I sit down, turn on my music and try to forget where I am. I eat my Karaage, 懐かしい味じゃアリマセンでした。The Karaage was infested with Chilli and SPICY SPICY SPICY! I couldnt eat it. 店員は日本人です。 そしたら、どうして、ロンドンの日本料理屋に、そんな辛い食べ物を売ってるの？これは日本料理じゃない！ I left feeling worse.
When in Japan, I told myself I would not get like this. I told myself that I can make my life work just like I had in Japan. But in London, everything is rediculously overpriced. You cant go out every night. Life is limited.
一生ずーっとロンドンに住みたくない。 いやだ。 でも、日本に住むことができない。 どうしよう？
I cant bring back the past. I cant make London what its not. I cant live out my dream.
Ive got to learn to look forward, but how can I when my heart is going back?